300 (2006)

Carry On Leonidas

Like a Robert Mapplethorpe Exhibition with moving pictures, Zach Snyder of comic-to-Movie Watchmen uses the SFX of comic-to-Movie Sin City to recreate the Graphic Novel by Frank Miller of comic-to-Movie The Spirit.

Best Historical Drama Ever since Up Pompeii.

The Story:

A naked boy kills a giant skinny black wolf, becomes a Scotsman who leads Sparta, married to a frightfully Englishwoman, with lots of American and rural counties friends. Fights Persians and ninjas. Dies in a style just like the end of Gladiator. Without the tractor tracks in the cornfields.

The Good:

Giant Man God King Xerxes who is a cross between the transvestite in The Crying Game and Vin Diesel in The Chronicles of Riddick.

Battle elephants like in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

Battle rhinoceros like battle polar bear in The Golden Compass.

Slo-mo fight scenes: all bloody and all close-up.

Metrosexual –ahem- buff and tanned bodies all shot like the photography guy was colour-blind.

The Bad:

Giant skinny black wolf is not as good as skinny yank werewolf with a thing for Jenny Agutter from The Railway Children in An American Werewolf In London.

Too many story parts got in the way of all the lovely violent slo-mo fight scenes.

The Verdict:

About 22 Pigs. Even the boring bits were only about 9 minutes total of the running time.

Tags: 300, An American Werewolf In London, Best Historical Drama Ever, bloody violence, Carry On Films, comic-to-movie, Frank Miller, giant, Gladiator, God, Graphic Novel, Jenny Agutter, King, metrosexual, ninjas, Reviews, Robert Mapplethorpe, SFX, Sin City, The Chronicles of Riddick, The Crying Game, The Golden Compass, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The Railway Children, The Spirit, Up Pompeii, Vin Diesel, Watchmen, Zach Snyder